Looks like I forgot about my blog.

Today I recalled my blogs after reading another blog about a baby with trisomy 13.  A lot has happened since my last post...4 years ago or so. A major move, an addition of cats to our family, and two girls who are growing up very fast. I showed Ainsleigh the blog and she is really enjoying reading all the memories also.  She has laughed so much at her younger self and all the funny things she did and said. It makes me so happy that I have these memories somewhere! I may not have kept up on baby books, but this works too.

Today we voted. When we first moved here, Ainsleigh was excited to find that there was another girl in her class named Ansley! Ansley's Dad was running for Mayor. He is a very friendly guy, always at the school and is now PTA President. We had to get out and vote for him!

Ainsleigh is in 6th grade now. Middle School seems to be wonderful for her so far. She is growing out her bangs and has been wanting fancy hair these days and asking me to curl it. I pretend like it is such a chore but my inner 8 year old girl is thrilled. It is a little bit embarrassing to admit it, but from the moment the sonogram revealed daughters, I imagined how much fun it was going to be to dress them up and do their hair. I was never super girly but I have always had an interest in hair, makeup, and fashion; as much as a midwestern, small town girl can. I like to think it is my creative, artsy side and not just a "girly" thing. No one told me I would have two very independent, strong willed girls with their own ideas of fashion. It would mean no fancy hair styled by Mom. I'm lucky if they cooperate for me to brush it. Our closet consists of mostly comfortable clothes for Ainsleigh, dresses for Paige, and overall A LOT of cheetah print. Ainsleigh would let me dress her up a bit as a baby but Paige has essentially had her own sense of fashion from day one.

Paige is in 1st grade and doesn't take school as seriously as Ainsleigh has which is honestly somewhat of a relief. She isn't anxious about being perfect at her schoolwork like Ainsleigh has always been. Right now she just loves going to school and being social. She does announce the contents of her daily folder each day and makes sure I fill out any paperwork she has and sign her behavior chart. She is very responsible and organized that way. Eventually I hope her academics are important to her but she is working hard and enjoys school so that is all that I am concerned about right now.

It is odd to have both kids in school. I still have not adjusted but I am glad that the girls have. They are becoming more independent. My role as a Mother is swiftly changing as the girls need less physical nurturing and more emotional nurturing. I anticipated this time would come but of course could never really prepare for it. 

At one point in my motherhood journey I thought I had to be everything to them; their teacher, playmate, friend, confidante, nurse, chef, disciplinarian, entertainment director, cheerleader and psychologist. But life is forcing me to let go more each passing day and I am so grateful to see that, as I do, others have stepped in to nurture my kids in unique ways that they need from someone other than their Mother or Father. They have fantastic teachers who build their confidence and help me to see my kids uniquely through someone else's eyes. Ainsleigh has blossomed so much under her piano teacher who really "gets" her and encourages her in exactly the ways she needs. She is also playing volleyball now and it is been very cool to see what a great team player she is. Her coach loves that about her too and never criticizes her for making a mistake because she knows Ainsleigh will criticize herself enough. I think it is helping her to not take things too seriously but to have fun. Paige's teachers and even her bus driver constantly tell me what a sweet girl she is and I see it in her friendships at school. It is wonderful seeing my sassy girl's heart through other people's perspectives.

We are slowly building our village and thank goodness for that because I try to do my best, but it really does take a village.

What really makes for a good childhood?

A few years back Ainsleigh got one of those kid friendly cameras for Christmas. We finally downloaded all the photos instead of deleting the bad to make room for more.

The quality is pretty bad, but it was so much fun seeing all these photos that Ainsleigh has taken over the last 3 years or so, many times unbeknownst to us.

There were so many funny photos of Paige as a baby.

Ahh the days before Paige had her trademark head tilted, hand on hip pose for photos.

I bet half of them were photos of me sitting in the chair while Paige slept or nursed. You forget how of your day is spent that way when you have a baby.

Keeping it real

It looks like pbskids.org has also been a large part of her life. 

And how could I not love the early morning photos of me trying to smile while desperately hoping these photos would never be published on the internet?!

My favorites were definitely her self portraits.

I know it looks like a genuine smile but I was totally doing one of those, "Okay, I'll smile for the photo, but then you need to get out of the car because we are running late!" I hate that so much of our life is spent like that.

Then there were random still life captures of her toys and bedroom. 

It was very entertaining, but also a little enlightening seeing her perspective on our life. It hit home once again that this is my kids childhood we are making each and everyday. While Tim and I are worrying about making ends meet or getting time to ourselves, career changes and housework, we are inadvertently making memories for our kids that will make up their childhood when they are all grown up.

Who trusted us to do this?

Definitely thankful for a little "perspective." 

rough start

Paige and I just got back from riding Ainsleigh to school on our bikes. I have been trying to take her a different way so that she ends up at the crosswalk where she can ride across a somewhat busy street with the help of the school crossing guards. I am trying to prepare us both for the time when she can I let her ride by herself. It will be much easier if I know she is crossing there.

Like many times in our life together, she has decided this is something she "hates" doing. There is no logical reason for this. It is just something she has set her will against and therefore it is grounds for battle now. So it was THAT kind of morning. But I can't blame her too much. I was kind of hard on her with my "there will be no friends after school today" and "we are not riding bikes to school for the rest of the week because you have lost the privilege" threats. She hates crossing on the crosswalk, well I hate mornings like this.

It has been a rough week for all of us. Last night we lost power right before bedtime, while we were reading. The silence in the house made it so hard to sleep that I did a lot of thinking. You know the kind of restless, you should be sleeping but can't make your mind stop solving problems kind of night. I am hoping that things get better for all of us. It seems that we are not alone in our struggles. The transition to motherhood has been a difficult one for me. I know, it has been a few years so you would think I'd have worked out all the kinks by now but I am trying to have peace with my decision to stay home. I am really grateful that we can do it. I'm always questioning it though. It has been hard giving up my independence. I felt so much more stable when I knew I could make my own way without depending on anyone else. I know it will come again but it is hard for me as I'm sure it is for most stay at home moms.

So Ainsleigh is at school, Tim is at work, Paige and I are watching Curious George and another week has officially begun. I can only hope it is a good one, we all need it.

a coin and a pioneer girl

Last night, right before bed, Paige swallowed a coin. I thought, since she was almost three we would be pretty close to being past this kind of stuff. But no. We called her doctor's office and talked to a nurse. Apparently all we can do is watch for it. Sounds like fun, right?

Also last night, Ainsleigh decided that she would like to be Laura Ingalls Wilder for Halloween and Paige will be baby Carrie. I went to the fabric store today and bought a pattern, but man it takes over 3 yards for the dress and 1 yard just for the bonnet and another 2 3/8 for the pinafore. How did these pioneer folk afford the yardage their clothing required? I guess it is fine when you only have a few dresses and then hand them down or make clothes for the little ones out of the the bigger dresses when the older kids grow out of them. How's that for up-cycling? It was really fun getting fabric for new projects for both me and my girls and some to make little girl aprons to sell. 

The idea of making these dresses and bonnets reminds me of the Thanksgiving that my Mom made my sisters pilgrim dresses, hats, and aprons out of black and white fabric...I am going to hunt down that photo. At the time I was a little embarrassed of my family being a little weird but now I suppose I embrace it.

Photo as promised. Sorry Meghan and Carly but you are pretty cute. 

To be fair, thought I'd post this photo of myself also found while digging 

We picked raspberries at Country Corner with the Mom and Dad and the Foster cousins today. Temperature was 96 without the humidity factored in. We are definitely feeling it now! We are all pretty exhausted.

Off to change Paige's diaper and do some digging. 

helloo!!??

I can't believe it has been over a year since I've posted. So much has happened and I really miss having things documented here. I love reading back over the blog and remembering things that I have completely forgotten.

The plan is to really use this blog as a journal. So if anyone other than me reads it, I am sorry if it bores you to tears.

My two year old and seven year old. Time is flying.

Ainsleigh has started second grade. She turned 7 in July and this year is completely different than last year. I don't know if it is the teacher or the fact that her bff, Abby, is in a different class for the first time. We shed tears over that but I think it has encouraged Ainsleigh to get to know some other kids better. The first day was hard. I watched her walk into class a little awkwardly and unsure of herself. She moved past it quickly and so far it has been awesome. She actually loves to go to school. We have had lots of nights with school friends over...a blessing and a curse but you'll have that I suppose. She is a great at math and a really good reader. She tested at a 4th grade level at the beginning of this year.

I would love to homeschool her and move at her pace. We found some really great resources and groups that we could join locally. I've studied up on how we could use her art as part of her studies since she seems to love to learn that way. I was so excited but it just didn't happen this year. She is flourishing in school and obviously I'm proud of her and happy she's happy.

Some serious freckles have popped out this summer. I love them!

Paige and I get a little bored without her at home. I think I might lose my mind if I watch another barbie movie. We are working on potty training and Paige is once again taking really awesome naps that I missed with Ainsleigh home over the summer. One day she told me, "Mommy, Ainlee's my best friend. I reeeeeally love her!" I told that was nice and I loved her and she said, "No, I love Ainlee." We ride Ainsleigh to school on our bikes every morning though, so goodbyes aren't too bad.

Paige and her waffle and Ainsleigh with her girlified boy's bike

Summer break flew by. We read lots of books, starting out with sucky fairy and mermaid books that looked popular at the bookstore. Then we went back to the Little House books and read Little House on the Prairie and Farmer Boy. We had read Little House in the Big Woods at least two times and it is still Ainsleigh's favorite, by far. There were a few Series of Unfortunate Events books thrown in, plus The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. We got the movies for those and talked about how books are usually better than movies. Then we read my personal junior high favorite, A Wrinkle in Time. I can't believe how much she loved it! I was so proud.

Now we are reading On the Banks of Plum Creek. I just love these books. We learn so much from them. She loves to hear how they made different things but I was really interested in how Little House on the Prairie did such good job of respectfully teaching about the conflict between the settlers and the Native Americans. Better than any textbook could. Seeing it through a child's eyes with Laura as at the narrator is so honest and straightforward.

Paige is talking a lot now. We are cracking up because she answers so many things with "Yes" except she says it more like "Yeths!" There is a lot of spit involved with her S's but she's getting much better. She loves to dance and performs for us at least once a day. She reminds me so much of her Aunt Carly. I could totally see her performing for the nursery at church and singing Madonna's "Papa don't preach." Carly, that was awesome. Mom was so proud. Anyway...

My sister, Meghan is back visiting with her family and we spent last Saturday with them. Ainsleigh and Eden are the same age and they look so grown up playing together. They have been skyping and talking on the phone a lot. I think sometimes, between Grandma and Eden, Ainsleigh talks on the phone more than I do!

Paige and I are planning to do some drawing and sewing to round out our day. Hopefully Barbie can stay put away for one day. Gah! I hope so.

it really is the very best part

Summer is here! Finally! We have been busy doing things like this:

And planting a beautiful garden that used to look like this:

But now looks like:

Well...let's just say it looks like the above picture but with 4 ft tall crabgrass growing everywhere. I am slowly pulling it all out. Piece by piece. We are getting there. We've already harvested radishes twice, yellow onions, red onions and a few potatoes.

We have been watching a mama robin who has built a nest on top of the light by our front door, despite repeated attempts by Daddy to knock it down, she finally successfully laid eggs in it. Our hearts leaped to see her fly to the nest right before our eyes, and watch 3 tiny beaks pop up and chirp for their food. Well, yesterday my friend knocked on my door. She had come across that same nest, laying on my porch, with the birdies displaced. One clearly in distress. I cried. We still don't know how it happened. The birdies were still alive and chirping for their mama. My Dad came over that evening and heroically put the nest back and scooped up the birdies (wearing gloves, mind you) and put them back. We prayed on several occasions last night that the mama returns to feed her babies. I think I am most upset out of all of us.

Today we woke up slowly. The sun was beautiful shining in my window, through my newly hung curtains and the girls one by one joined me in bed and we played and laughed. When Ainsleigh tried to cuddle with me, Paige got mad and yelled, "Mine!" I am hers and she is mine as well. I have to remind her that I am Ainsleigh's too!! We came out to the kitchen and made homemade playdough, first thing, and are working on homemade tortillas so we can have quesadillas for lunch.

These girls of mine are lovely. Loverly...

I am so lucky that I get to spend every day with them. Later today we are going to ride our bikes to the playground and then work in the garden. Who gets days like these? See! See how lucky I am!!

But then reality hits and there's that darn money thing. Seems so ridiculous, but its there. I am searching for a job. I don't want to do it. Makes me feel a bit like that nest turned upside down on my porch. Like that is what will happen to my nest. Sorry for the cheesy metaphor, but I couldn't help it. I am afraid that I will miss moments like this...

What's that verse? The one that says something like, "His eye is on the sparrow..."

Keeping that in mind as we transition the mama from the home to the workplace. And back.

Ainsleigh has some news!

I love my Ainsleigh. She is a very smart, outgoing, ambitious little girl. She has had some big things happen in her life, some that were wonderful, and some that were very difficult, and some that were a little of both. Tim and I have struggled lately, trying to decide what is best for her. I have been homeschooling and it has been wonderful and easy. Her idea of fun has always been reading, drawing, and learning so it isn't hard to get her interested in actual schoolwork. She is already reading basic words, and can tell you all about silent "e" and how it can change the sound of a word.

But things have been hard at home. We've got a few stressful situations going on and a baby sister that takes up a lot of my time and I have felt distracted. I have prayed about what to do and for the wisdom to know what is best. Not what I think is best, or what other people tell me is best, but what will be most beneficial for Ainsleigh.

Today we woke up just like any other day. I decided to take the girls for a walk. I mentioned to Ainsleigh that maybe we would visit the school and arrange for a visit maybe next week. As we walked, I prayed that God would give me wisdom and discernment so that I would know if it would be a good place for Ainsleigh to grow and learn. We walked in to find a very laid back environment. We were able to go out for recess and meet lots of kids. We stayed for reading time and library time, PE, and milk time. Paige was a big hit! Then I left, and let Ainsleigh finish out the day. The kids were very friendly and welcomed her so immediately! So tomorrow she will go again!

I'm still not sure if this is the right thing or not but it isn't in cement. We can always homeschool again. I have loved our time learning together, and I realized that this doesn't mean that it ends. But maybe this will give Ainsleigh time away from the stress at home and she will grow, make friends, and encourage her classmates.

I mentioned to the teacher that I would be willing to come in and help anytime if she needed me. She seemed open to that. Or maybe she thinks I'm sort of a hovering parent. Hmm...

Well, I like to think of it as "involved." And I plan to be just that. Actually, very involved. Hello Alwood Elementary!